Feeling Vulnerable in a Pandemic by BB

While feeling vulnerable I’m still comfortable in my clothes. Utility vest (size down)/Camo leggings tts/Black shirt tts

Doors Slamming While Family Time Increases

Is anyone else feeling vulnerable during this pandemic? There are times when this whole Covid thing seems so overwhelming. Today is one of those days. I have only seen my mom 3 times since this whole pandemic started. Frankly, I miss her. We talk all the time but sometimes I just want to see her. I don’t want to have to think about the million things that could happen. I don’t want to have to worry that if i see her and bring my family around her she could get sick.

As Covid is ramping up in our country I feel so many doors closing. We found out that my kids, who are currently in hybrid learning, are going full time distance learning. They only have 3 more in school days for the unseeable future. They also have an extra 4 days off around Thanksgiving which would be awesome if we could travel. My son does very well with hybrid learning but will it throw him off to not have any in person school? I worry. My daughter doesn’t do well with hybrid learning and full time distance learning will be a huge struggle. HUGE. My littlest is in preschool and so far no plans of closing but can that last forever. All this is put on me. Personal time…Door Slam!

As much as I appreciate the uncomplicated schedules I also feel trapped. I am someone who loved doing activities with my family and friends. I always said I was a stay at home mom that didn’t like to stay at home. I love adventures.

Thanksgiving is coming up and it’s our year to celebrate with my husband’s family. We often head up to my mom’s lake home after Thanksgiving and made a choice not to do that this year. We are all vulnerable to this terrible virus. Sometimes people don’t even know they have it but they could spread it to a loved who will feel its effect. So we have to take stock of the risks and decide if it’s worth it. The answer for us is no. Another moment missed with my family…Door Slam!

Because we couldn’t have any time with my mom at Thanksgiving we decided to go up this weekend and then Covid is ramping up so much we just didn’t feel safe going as a family. I’m heartbroken. My kids are heartbroken. I feel scared. What is the right thing to do? I hate my mom is 4 hours away. I just want life to be back to normal but that doesn’t seem to be coming anytime soon…Door Slam!

We also wonder, should we even be doing Thanksgiving with Bill’s family? It’s much smaller than mine but we don’t want to expose anyone to Covid, nor do we want to get exposed. We desperately want to give out kids some normal life but is it safe…potential Door Slam!

Then comes Christmas…what will it look like? What can we do? Will I be able to see my large family, it doesn’t feel plausible to all be together, there are 18 of us if everyone shows up. Then on Christmas Day we go to Bill’s mom’s house. Should we be with my family and then go be with his. So many unknown variables…potential Door Slam!

Buck Up Butter Cup

After I wrote this post I got word that school was closing even earlier than we thought. Today is their last day of in person school. I feel terrible for my social kids. But I am thankful for a neighborhood filled with kids. Now I just hope we get a ton of snow so they can play play play.

Now I’ve been complaining enough. I know I need to put my big girl pants on and realize I’m very lucky. I’m lucky I am a stay at home mom that can dedicate my time to my kids. I do have this blog that I’m able to work on when I can fit it in. I don’t have answer to anyone. This is truly a blessing and I also count having this blog a blessing since it’s something for me and helps challenge me. I am so so thankful for this challenge and more importantly, outlet for my creativity.

I’m am lucky to have a husband who supports us and me. He knows when I need a break…well usually. When I asked if I could go by myself to see my mom this weekend he said I could. We agreed we could control the environment better if it was only me instead of the whole family. He helps at night with the kids. I’m not doing this alone. And for that I am very grateful.

The gift of being a former teacher has come in very handy with distance. Let’s be very clear I had a whole lot more control of my students when I taught than I do with my own kids. But at least I can understand scheduling, timing, curriculum… But the change in roles with my children makes me feel vulnerable and weak at moments. I lose my cool and feel frustrated. This pandemic adds element that we aren’t taught or prepared for. Frankly, that’s half of parenting though, isn’t it?

Vent Over

I am definitely someone who needs to talk through my issues, worries, and stresses. After releasing the things I have ZERO control over I do feel a bit better. I hope you are all doing ok. I hope reading someone else’s struggles helps you feel more normal. We are all doing this and we are not alone. What do you do to help yourself get through this unpredictable time? Are you good at taking care of yourself?